Tortoise-proof fence

There's a large tortoise here at Chez Whackamole. In fact, this tortoise is so large that she knocks over patio furniture, frightens people in sandals, and has earned the nickname "Stomps-a-lot" from a housemate.

Time has come to contain the tortoise, or at least banish him from the patio.

Yet, it would be nice for dogs and people to be able to travel freely without having to go through a gate. Plus, a traditional fence just wouldn't hold this creature.

So I had an idea [cue crazy scheme music] to get some large sandstone rocks and put them less than tortoise width apart across one area of the yard. A wall of ellipsis that he could not fit through. There was an ad on Craigslist [increase volume] for small sandstone boulders, so I gave the guy a call. We talked, decided on 30 "basketball sized" boulders, small enough for me to roll, but too big for a tortoise to move. The fact is, the tortoise is probably stronger than me, but allow me this small conceit.

So yesterday, a truck dumps 30ish "basketball-sized" sandstone boulders in my driveway. Photo here, with actual basketball for scale:



So, quick as a wink, I scoot the rocks into place and kick back with a mint julep to survey my work!!!


Except in reality, took me all my muscles to roll four of the smallest, dare I say cutest, ones into the yard. Enough, I thought, to tell if the spacing was right.


Tortoise approves. If the fence doesn't work as a barrier, at least it's an effective distraction.




And no, I will not be knitting any of this, unless the rock conceives and the babies are cute. Tortoise penis is way too freaky. Seriously. You're happier that I haven't included sound.